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326 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 18, 2020
« depression, suicidal thoughts, fat-shaming, eating disorder (bulimia), emotional abuse from a parent, bullying, suicide attempt, and alcohol addiction ».
"I flip off those who slowly broke me, who turned me into this pathetic shell of a person. Those who took pleasure in igniting my breaking point and watched me as I fell. Those who threw me under the bus instead of pulling me to safety. Those who fed the fog and allowed it to rule my life."
"My knight, she used to call me. Now, I'm a rusty one without armour or a sword. I abandoned being her knight to become War."
“The universe doesn't matter, green, you do. Then. Now. Always.”
“I might be broken, but I’ll pull myself together. I might have fallen, but I’ll get up. There’ll be a day where I look behind and say I survived.”
“I know Kimberly’s fake smiles. I’ve learnt them. I have them engraved in a dark corner in my heart, the one with her name written all over it.”
“You’ve been fantasising about me?”
“All the damn time. It drove me fucking insane.” My fingers get lost in his hair as I peek at him through my lashes.
“Even when you were with others?”
“What others?” He brushes his lips against mine. “You’re my first, Green.”
I hate them and I hate this fucking body. I hate myself in it. I wish there was a way to detonate it from the inside out, aside from vomiting my lunch.
Xander. The boy with golden hair and blue eyes that he stole from the ocean, the sky, and the magic in books.~ my ass.
Kim and I are the same in so many ways. We’re both broken, flawed, and have unsatiated hunger. A hunger so furious, it chips at our souls. A hunger so strong, nothing but the other one can satiate.~ I wish I could feel this thing between them.
“I’ve always cared. Every time I pushed you away, I sliced myself deeper. The more I pretended you don’t exist, the harder I noticed you. There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t thought about you or watched you. And that’s not right, Kim. That’s not right at fucking all.”~i wanna slap the hell out of Xander
Kimberly: I wish you were never my friend. I wish you had never told me you’d be there for me. I wish you didn’t know so much about me and still chose not to be with me. I wish there was never me or you or us.~ I cried so hard.
When we were young and I told him I loved stars, he got me one, a special star. It’s from an actual star, he said. He stole it from his dad and I should keep it a secret. I dig into my pocket and bring out the bracelet with the ugly black motif in the middle. He said it’s ugly on the outside, but only because it travelled planets to be with me, just like he always will.~~~😭😭😭😭 she deserves so much better than that rat
From here on, there are only two options. Either she lives or I don’t.💔
I am emotionally spent. Black Knight was so much more heartfelt than I could have imagined. The emotions and the rollercoaster ride that Rina Kent makes of their journey as a couple and as individuals is why I enjoy reading Romance so much. This was an excellent read and now, a favorite of mine.
For months, I was wracking my brain trying to come up with possible scenarios of what could’ve happened between these two and I still couldn’t come up with one plausible enough to warrant all the torment Kim had went through because of Xander.
◦ Kimberly Reed- You know those special heroines that you just would do anything for as long as she got her HEA, for me, that’s Kimberly Reed. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a character to find happiness more than this girl hiding in her own skin. Before reading this book, I wanted a whole comeback, a full on revenge plan, like I wanted her to kick. some. ass. She’s been bullied for far too long, I needed to see some people suffer.
But then I got inside her thoughts. And I understood. This isn’t the kind of story where you want to see the h do a complete 180 and all of a sudden give a middle finger to everyone who’s ever screwed her over, because while that’s fun and all, this was just so much more. More to Kim and her story. More than her relationship with Xander, this was a character raw and broken with demons that Rina unmasks for all of us to bear with her. I don’t know about anyone else but for me, while it’s easy to fall in love with a Hero (as long as I actually like the book), it’s harder with the heroine. But when I fall for one, I fall hard. Kim is not the kickass guns blazing type of heroine but she’s one many can identify with and that’s exactly why I loved her so much and was rooting for her the entire way.
◦ Xander Knight- Woooo he’s a doozy. If you haven’t read any other books in this series; here’s a small play by play. Blonde, tall and handsome. The ultimate popular golden boy. Intimidating, arrogant but popular, you know the type— except he goes out of his way to torture poor Kim’s life. I have been really anticipating getting to know more about his character since Cruel Prince and even more so when I saw how awful he was being towards Kim in the DK trilogy. I kept thinking what is this guys problem?? And throughout all the other books, we get a few hints of their past relationship but that KIM was the problem/to blame and not him?? Okaaay sold, I have to know. As I've said, before going into this book I thought he was the harshest with how he treated ‘Berly’ since the beginning, and to be so unforgiving for something that happened when they were children?? Again, that’s just petty…but little did I know what was going on through Xander’s head.
In my opinion, granted we haven’t read all of the books in this series yet but, Xan runs the deepest. He felt so much. So much anguish, suffering, anger, hate and love all wrapped in his complex self and it was a bit misplaced but nonetheless, it was his feelings and I’ve always been a strong advocate about not being able to help how you feel. How you act on the other hand…. 🙂
Well as the story goes on, I started to view Xander’s golden boy persona with new eyes, and after all the plot twists and turns, the truth comes out. & I’m not sure if everyone will feel the same, but I understood him. In the case that emotions really do rule your actions sometimes, I understood. And now, he’s my favorite. I love him and all his many layers. Stay with him, have faith...he ends up being exactly what Kimberly needs.
& A very special mention to Kim’s little brother, Kirian—My heart!! He was the sweetest thing and I only wish I saw more moments with him and Kim and Xan 😭 I also wouldn’t complain if down the road... he gets his own spinoff story 😉 lol I just don’t wanna leave this world.
Xander is the type of war you never see coming, and when you do, it’s already too lateTropes in this book: sports, high school, bully, second chance, childhood friends to lovers
He's in pain and I don't like it when he's in painbut suddenly one day it all changed when Xander became:
He used to be my best friend. Now, he's a stranger. A bully. An enemythe opposite instead and for no reason. She thinks its because she lied about Luna the cat being lost and he got lost in the snow but it was for another reason.
I hate this fucking body. I hate myself in it. I wish there was a way to detonate it from the inside outbody image issues that is caused by:
because I’ve been patient with you, but you’re not watching your weight. You’re not even tall, so you can’t afford the extra kilos. I expect resultsher mother's projection of perfection onto her. With Xander's bullying and:
How can he manage to make me hate myself by just looking at me? Why does he have that power?harsh words it makes Kim spiral more and relapse:
Whenever I cry, that fog crawls faster under my skin and the next thing I know, it’s invading my brain and occupying my thoughtsBut Xander is not what Kim thinks, he was an angel when he was younger:
You just like to eat and I like it when you eatlook how assuring he is 🥺
I see her even when she refuses to fucking see herself
There’s no way in fuck I’m going to let her be invisible to her own self. Not even if that costs me in the long runhe's actually just a puppy wrapped around Kim's finger. He thinks about her and cares for her (in a rough way because he's a fighter after all):
You don’t get to take the easy way out just because you can. You don’t get to disappear just because you want tothough he knows he can't be the man she desires:
Didn’t I tell her to stop fucking tempting me? To stop hoping for things from me?
The more she does, the harder I’ll destroy her
kissing me harder and faster, like it’s the first and the last timehis kisses show her that she can only take and not give back because:
his slight moments of closeness, only have heartbreak tied to themhe's not a forever type of man in her eyes. Even though she feels:
held me like we’ll never be apart in any reincarnationwhole with him, she knows she can't fantasise more about what she wants. He literally is both sides of the coin, tender yet harsh:
He’s even worse than her. At least she never pretended to care about me. He showed me the world, then pushed me off the edge
Don’t go, please. I’ll be the one to go, I promise
Either she lives or I don’tand that is the turning point because he realises how much of a dick he was to her. And that's when I started melting:
"I lie about a lot of things, I’m a liar." “Things like what?” "Like how much I hate you. I don’t. Or how much you’re nothing. You aren’t. Or how I can live without you. I can’t.”like just imagine a man with muscular thighs who has been bullying you, who rogue fights and comes to school with bruises all the time become a soft giant infront of you. How can you not melt? Especially when he says:
"I wanted to take you from the world and keep you for myself”and the fact that he was:
“What others?” “You’re my first, Green.”a virgin who acted like a manslut around and saved himself for her, protect this man at all costs!
I reach over and clutch her chin, opening her mouth, and stare at my seed all over her lips and tongue. Marked and claimedhe did this, can't I be her? Pretty please? I'm surprised that's the only smut scene I highlighted in the entire book but that's how invested I was in the book.